A Weblog

This is the third part of the trilogy after Love Story and Christmas Gift.

'Inspired' by real n reel events

"There is a dark man in everyone. It's just that we choose to be who we are...."
-Silence of the lambs
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43 years ago, my dad landed on the shores of this gr8 wide land. 25 years later,he married my mother. And they never regretted my existence. But one day changed everything....

20 years after I was born, I woke up one day realising I had not done anything to justify my existence in this world. My friends told me that I still have a long time to go before I find out wat the Real Me can do. Alas!If only my parents had understood that. Instead they forced me to do this and do that. The vesuvius dormant inside me exploded one day and I ran away from my house. The hearts of my parents crumbled like the city of pompeii. I did not care.

A month later, I met someone on a bus. They say life is a matter of choices that we make and that day, I chose to talk to him. He looked like a stereotyped ruffian. Long hair,unshaven beard and unkempt clothes. Yet he sounded so knowledgeable and harmless. I told him everything that was to be told about my life. I rambled on and on and realised that I had missed my bus stop. After an hour of patient hearing, he offered to help me. I got out of the bus along with him and he took me to his place. The next day, he took me to his 'office'. One cannot call it an office. It was a house rather. He asked me to wait outside. An hour later, he returned and asked me if I knew how to drive a car. I said yes and I was appointed as the driver.

I was very happy. I then thought I was on the path to identify the real Me. Anyway, I was asked to drive around the city and the boss seemed to be happy with my driving. Somewhere in the corner of my mind, something was nagging me. That night, I was asked to drive my boss around to a night club. The 'boss' was a short guy of medium complexion. If someone had not introduced him to me as the 'boss', I would have mistook him to be a circus clown. The boss asked me to wait outside. I had never been to a night club before and realised I have to work for few more years before I can accompany them inside. Sometime later, I could hear gunshots. I was terrified. I saw my boss running out of the night club and approaching the car. I started the car and the moment he got into it, I drove out of the place. I could spot a hint of relief on boss's face thro the rearview mirror. I was shy by nature and hence,drove without opening my mouth. After sometime though, the boss talked. He explained how he had shot the owner of the nightclub. He seemed jubilant and in fact, let out a huge laugh. It scared the shit outta me! I dropped him at his place and ran over to my friend's house. He was sleeping and took sometime to open the door. I was panting for breath. I asked him and wat his boss was doing. The trouble with this guy was tat he really knew how to talk to people. He let me shout at him for sometime and then explained quietly that our boss was a local thug. As he gave me more details regarding my boss's "profession",blood drained outta my face. He then warned me that since I had driven him around the city, everyone would have spotted me and my name would be marked as a member of THE Gang. I cursed myself for the first time for running outta my house and the deep shit I had gotten into.

The problem with choices are that,sometimes, our decision lets others control our future. My condition was similar to that of a bird who has had its wings cut and stuffed in a cage. With great trepidation, I reported for "work" the next day. My friend seemed to have told our boss regarding my outburst the previous night since the boss appeared very friendly to me. In fact, he even boasted to some outsider that I had saved his life yesterday and that I had a gr8 future!That day, he proclaimed himself to be my 'guruji' and began my tutelage. For the next couple of months, he taught me. He told me how a person could rise in this world only by pushing someone else down the drain. To me, it all appeared nonsense in the beginning. But as days passed by, I realised I had little choice and so picked up a few tricks. The boss was really impressed with my 'learning' skills and after sometime, I was 'promoted' from a driver to a henchman. I din know whether to rejoice or cry.

Every day, many came to seek counsel from my boss. They ranged from ordinary mortals visiting him out of fear to bank executives paying him to track down defaulters. One fine day, a man came to meet my boss. He looked omnious and deeply worried and angry. For the first time, my boss let me talk to the person. It was the clear indication of another 'promotion' for me. This time, I did feel elated. I asked the person what his problem was. He told me about his wife's dallings with her ex-boyfriend. He offered to pay me whatever I demanded if I could drive out the other guy out of her life. Though I was reluctant to accept, I relented after sometime. After the guy left, my boss ordered me to deal with this 'case' myself. This was going to my first kill.

For two days, I kept following the other guy. In broad daylight, I saw them walking down the street hand in hand. What made my blood boil was the fact that the lady had a kid. I decided to put an end to the story the next day.

That night, I couldnt sleep properly. The next day, I was to commit my first real crime. Till then, I had accompained the boss and his henchmen but then never had got myself involved. My friend, who was really amazed by my 'growth' in the gang, suggested that I try weed before I hit him. I had never tried drugs till then and was slightly hesistant. I realised my friend had always been right and asked him to explain the intricacies of smoking weed.

Since I was doing it all alone, I decided to catch a bus instead of driving around in a vehicle. I got down at the bus stand. I remembered my friend's instructions and walked up to the auto stand. I lighted a cigarrete while standing between two autos. A man walked up to me and he offered his hand. I held up 50 bucks in my palm and as we shook hands, we exchanged the cigars and the 50 bucks. He informed me that the cigar contained the dope and I can smoke them jus like ordinary cigarettes. Before I could reply, he had disappeared. I took a doped cigar, placed it between my lips and smoked. For sometime, I did not feel any change. Then I felt as if I was flying in the air. Everyone around me looked as tiny as liliputians. I kept laughing. I kept crying. I saw him getting out of his car and escorting her into the departmental store. The kid was standing beside her and ran after them. Strangely, the kid looked happy. I thought it was the grass tat was playing some trick. I followed them into the store. They were standing near the other end of the store. While the kid was checking out the chocolates section, the other guy and the lady were holding each other's hands. She was crying and then hugged him. For some reason, it drove me mad. I snatched the chocolate out of the kid's hand, paid the bill and got out of the store. The kid started crying and followed me. His crying disturbed the other guy. He too got out of the store following the kid who was following me. All while, the lady stood inside the departmental store looking through the glass door. I got out and turned left and waited. The kid did not know where I turned and chose the wrong direction. The other guy too turned the same direction. As they searched for me, I ran behind them. The kid stood and the guy ran ahead. I knew this was my chance. I closed his mouth using my left hand and held the knife in the right hand. I knew that the lady was watching us from the other side of the door. But she did not shout. She came running towards the door. I realised I had very little time. I tapped the guy's shoulders. He turned towards me and before his brain could send a signal to his hand tat I held a knife in my hand, I drove the knife into his stomach. I took it out and drove it in again. Blood was sprouting out of his stomach and I could see his intestine. The lady came out of the store and rushed towards the guy. She was in tears and her face was white. It had the mixed look of fear and anger. And she shouted."Oh Nikhil...nikhil..." No sound came out of her mouth but I could hear each and every mouth she mouthed as if she was whispering them in my ears. She told me how much she had loved this guy but had spurned him since she thought his love was based on sympathy. How her husband suspected her each and every action and without realising,drove her into Nikhil's hands. How she had named her elder child Nikhil although she could never call his name. How I had spoilt her only chance to regain happiness in life. How she had continued her liason with him despite knowing that she was committing a cardinal sin. She kept rambling on and on. I realised that it was the first time her voice had found an audience. Till today, I do not know how I was able to hear it. May be it was the dope or may be it was something else. She sighed as she got up and looked at me with a motherly look on her face. She was still crying as she took the kids in her arms and ran away from the place. Suddenly,everything appeared clearer to me. The choice had been made. And I know she too remained so. Her secrets were safe with me and so were mine with her. And we both knew we had to live with it. The code had been signed.
I too ran away the next moment. I did not go back to my boss or my friend.Instead I ran away from them too. They did not bother to chase me since for them, their job was done. The police
did not bother to chase me since they never knew I had existed. 5 years later, I am happily married and settled in life with my husband. Till this day, I have not come across that lady.However, that code of silence we two women accepted that day is still being honored and shall be honored ever after......